Deja Vu
by musouka
Summary: Squall wakes up one morning to find he has an unexpected guest sleeping next to him, and things go downhill from there. There's just something about this whole situation that doesn't seem quite...right. Squall x Zell/Zell x Squall
1. Part One

dejavu01

> All right, this has been preying on my mind for quite a while...call it what you will; too much reading of pulp sci-fi stories, an obsession with hooking up Squall and Zell...whatever. Anyway, as with, oh, 99.9% of my fanfiction, this is shounen-ai. If reading such things causes you to break out in hives the size of grapefruit and makes your fingers ache to flame the author, then I suggest that you not put yourself through this tortuous ordeal and not read the story. You also might want to consider counseling...   
  

>
>> **Deja Vu**
>> 
>> _Aa eien nan de hitsuyo na ikedo_   
_Homoi da ni kimi wo tokikoneta ku nai_   
_Maboroshi nan de ai se nai_   
_Kimi wo dakishimetai no sa_
>> 
>> -- Hideaki Matsuoka, Deja Vu 
>> 
>>   

>> 
>> Squall Leonheart fell asleep at exactly 12:03 pm.   
Squall Leonheart fell asleep at exactly 12:03 pm. 
>> 
>> ***   
  
Squall bolted awake, clutching his sheets so tightly that his knuckles were a ghostly white. His undershirt was plastered to his skin with sweat, chest heaving as he struggled to get air into his resisting lungs. One hand now went to comb through his silky mussed chestnut locks halfheartedly, as if to convince himself that he was here in his room. Even the faintest hint of the coming dawn, shyly peeking through a crack in the window shade, seemed vaguely unreal. 
>> 
>> He had dreamt of falling through an endless chasm, the darkness pressing around him like a musty blanket until he felt unable to breathe. The nightmare had seemed endless, years passing like seconds, seconds passing like years, until he felt he was traveling through the very core of time itself. He shook his head, the barest hint of a smile glimmering faintly on his lips at his own foolishness. 
>> 
>> It was just a dream. 
>> 
>> Or at least that's what Squall told himself as he curled back into bed, trying to soothe the fearful drumming of his heart. Unfortunately, Fate had another prank to play upon the unwitting SeeD. 
>> 
>> His hand met warmth. The warmth of another body, its back turned almost poutingly away from Squall, as if subtly punishing him for some wrongdoing. He jerked his hand back as if burned, mind stuttering through half-hearted explanations as to WHY there would be someone sleeping in his bed along with him. 
>> 
>> To be sure, Squall had a long-time girlfriend. Rinoa. But even though they had been going out for almost four years, their relationship still hadn't progressed to the point of...well...the point of sharing a bed! Squall now occupied the quarters of the old Headmaster, having, slightly unwillingly, taken his place as head of Balamb Garden two years ago. The bed that had been bequeathed to him was big, and, Squall inwardly had to admit, at times lonely; too often he would stir from his previous sleeping position only to be rudely awoken as his feet touched the cold surroundings of the empty area around him. 
>> 
>> Apparently his slight touch had awoken the 'sleeping beauty', as the figure lethargically turned over to face Squall, out of the half-shadows of the moments before dawn. Squall promptly fell out of bed with an audible 'whump' as his rump met the floor; he had figured out not only was there a strange person in his bed, but this person was also undoubtedly male! He may not have been experienced when it came to girls, but somehow he didn't think they came THAT flat chested. 
>> 
>> "I don't know how you do it!" A voice reached his ears, gentle with the dull edge of sleep and hidden laughter. It didn't sound like the voice of shock or regret from a one-time affair, but more like the voice where such mornings were a regular occurrence. "I don't think if you lit my ass on fire you could get me outta bed this early!" 
>> 
>> Meanwhile Squall was blinking rapidly, confusedly, trying to figure out whom exactly he had gone to bed with last night. The voice sounded familiar -- very familiar; a voice he should know -- but he didn't recognize him. 
>> 
>> The man's eyes were hypnotizing, an amazing aqua-green color that seemed to turn darker with amusement under his gaze. His hair was the color of sunlight in a garden; a warm, almost buttery color, the fringe of bangs slightly mussed from sleep...his coloring almost reminded Squall of...Zell?! As if affirming Squall's sudden suspicion, the man raised his head to regard Squall curiously, the telltale tattoo standing in stark relief against his rosy skin; its black flames reaching to lick the edge of his hairline. 
>> 
>> "Oh yeah..." Zell trailed off, sitting up to stretch the sleep-induced kinks from his lithe, muscular frame. Something in a back corner of Squall's mind noted with some relief that Zell was wearing boxers underneath the expanse of sheet nearly covering his lower torso. "You have that meeting this morning...with High Commander What's-His-Ass. I said we were violating those stupid airspace laws!" The last part was said with a definite 'I told you so' lilt that, oddly enough, had Squall wanting to protest 'did not!' 
>> 
>> "Um, Zell..." Squall was not exactly the most verbose person. In fact, he almost went out of his way to avoid what he deemed unnecessary conversation; even four years with Rinoa hadn't changed that aspect of him, much to his girlfriend's chagrin and pouting dismay. Still, even he thought it would be best to get what had happened last night out in the open, as much for Zell's benefit as his own sudden memory-loss. "About last night..." 
>> 
>> "Hey, we can hammer out the details later." Zell dismissed with a wave of his hand, seemingly oblivious to Squall's sudden shocked expression. Abruptly his gaze met Squall's in a painfully earnest look, all bravado-ish pretenses falling away. "Squall...thank you. I-I know I can handle it! It's what I've wanted for so long..." Then the familiar Zell was back again, only a shadow of the serious stranger left behind on his youthful looking face. Squall suddenly registered the hand reaching towards his to hoist him off the hardwood floor. "Now c'mon, baby. I'll see you later. You have a meeting to get to!" 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> A sudden thought fell upon an utterly bewildered Squall like a ton of bricks as he finished getting dressed. What was he going to tell Rinoa? Somehow, he didn't think "Gee, I'm sorry honey, but it looks like I went to bed with my best friend last night…I can't remember exactly what happened, but when we woke up we weren't exactly wearing a lot of clothing" was going to cut it as far as explanations went. 
>> 
>> _Do I really have to tell her at all?_ Squall banished that thought out of his mind right then and there. Better that she should hear it from him than through the grapevine…someone must have seen the two of them go back to Squall's room last night. He certainly wasn't naïve enough to expect whoever might have seen them to keep their mouth shut.__
>> 
>> _It's not fair. My first time having sex, and I can't even remember whether or not I enjoyed it!_ Okay, where had that come from?! Squall fumbled for the handle to his door after making sure he was ready to go down a floor to the administrative offices. Hell, he didn't even know if he had sex last night! He was just assuming --_ Get real. Zell was naked, you were naked…what did you THINK you did? You just happened to take off the vast majority of your clothes and settled in for a nice friendly slumber party?_
>> 
>> Sometimes these inner monologues could be a real bitch. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Hey Squall!" 
>> 
>> Squall spun on his heels at the sound of his name, only to find himself face-to-face with the bubbly activities coordinator of the Garden. Her hair had grown out over the years, and she had finally stopped putting it in the slightly ridiculous fashion of having both ends sticking out wildly from the side of her head. Still, the vivacious glint in her green eyes remained, as did her penchant for short dresses… 
>> 
>> "Selphie." He acknowledged in his own typical abbreviated form of greeting. For some reason, Selphie frowned at his tone of voice. 
>> 
>> "Wow…that was a really short meeting. Did they agree to pay for the damages to the Garden?"__
>> 
>> _Damages? What is going on here?! _ As far as Squall knew, his Garden was in fine shape…and he certainly hadn't had any meetings scheduled for today, unless one counted that lecture he was going to have to give those students about not using dangerous magic in the hallways. That couldn't be what she was talking about though, because that wasn't even until later in the afternoon. 
>> 
>> "Um, what are you talking about?" He finally asked, something inwardly loathing to admit he had no idea what he was doing, or for that matter, what was going on. 
>> 
>> Selphie let out an odd choking gasp. "Did you forget?! Squall…that's not like you. Is something wrong?" 
>> 
>> Squall grimaced uncharacteristically at her words. _ Oh, no! No, nothing's wrong. Either I'm going insane, or everyone around me is, that's all…_ Before he could even open his mouth, she had taken his hand and was all but dragging him down the hall to the conference rooms. Her heels made a sharp clacking sound on the hardwood floors, a warning for anyone who was walking in the same direction to get out of her way; she was a woman on a mission. 
>> 
>> "C'mon, he might still be there!" She exclaimed when Squall gave her an "are you out of your mind" look. Then, she utterly stunned him by mumbling vehemently, "Dammit, Zell, why the hell didn't you remind him?!" 
>> 
>> Squall rubbed his wrist and glanced at Selphie with an almost baleful glare before opening the door to the consultation room. A thoroughly unpleasant-looking man met his glare with one of his own, brows meeting thickly over his forehead in a palpable air of irritation. Squall inwardly sighed, judging by the lavish military uniform the man was wearing, Squall was up to his waist in…something. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Squall rubbed his temples as he slumped into his leather chair in his office. He felt one of those migraines coming on. 
>> 
>> That had been an experience he hoped he would never ever have to go through again. The man had been, as Zell had so succinctly phrased it that morning, "High commander what's-his-ass". Namely, the dictator of a small country that the Garden had happened to fly over the other day without announcing their presence. As it had turned out, the commander had thought it was an attack – Squall did have to understand that, however, after all, the Garden was a mercenary training ground – and had opened fire. 
>> 
>> Luckily, the Commander, in his own words "wasn't a vindictive man" and had agreed to pay for half the damages. As it was, though, Squall was considering filleting whoever had thought it was okay to violate private airspace with the Garden, and then shoot himself if he couldn't figure out a way to come up with the other half of the money for the repairs. With "Headmaster Norg" gone, their funding had suffered enormous cutbacks over the years, leading to increased tuition among other things. 
>> 
>> He had gotten a good look at what the anti aircraft missiles had done to three of the lower level classrooms, as well as the cafeteria. The areas were sealed off with a general notice to all students that classes were canceled until further notice. 
>> 
>> Add all this to the fact that Squall couldn't seem to banish the thought of Zell in nothing more than a pair of boxers from the back of his mind, and a mountain of paperwork had suddenly beamed in from hell to cover his previously spotless desk from the night before, and Squall could almost feel the beginning of a nervous breakdown unfolding. How had Cid done it?! 
>> 
>> There was a sharp rapping on the heavy oaken door. Squall raised his head and called for the person outside to come in. And she did, with quick business-like steps until she was in front of his desk, staring him straight in the face. 
>> 
>> Squall quashed the urge to groan out loud. His day had just gotten worse. 
>> 
>> "Good morning, Rinoa…"   

> 
>   

> 
> _tsuzuku (to be continued)_   
__   
__   



	2. Part Two

deja02 ****

> > **** ****
>> 
>> **Deja Vu – Part Two**
>> 
>> _Aa eien nan de hitsuyo na ikedo_   
_Homoi da ni kimi wo tokikoneta ku nai_   
_Maboroshi nan de ai se nai_   
_Kimi wo dakishimetai no sa_
>> 
>> --Hideaki Matsuoka, Deja Vu 
>> 
>>   

>> 
>> Squall was expecting a virtual myriad of reactions from his comely girlfriend, beginning with a poutfully hurt glare, and ending with a heavy slap to the cheek. Perhaps even a temper tantrum. Rinoa was quite adept at stomping her tiny feet and throwing him a stormy glare that let him know in no uncertain terms that he was in Big Trouble. Her slate-blue eyes would darken like a storm over the ocean, and before Squall knew it, he'd be frozen out with a wall of pure ice until she decided to thaw. 
>> 
>> In short, he was expecting anything but what she actually did. 
>> 
>> Which was standing up straight and tall, then saluting sharply. 
>> 
>> _She's **pissed**…_ Squall gulped audibly, at a complete loss as she continued to stand in front of him, not even looking him in the face. _What is she…? Oh. _"At ease." Whatever game Rinoa was punishing him with, she seemed to be determined to take it to the heights of believability. 
>> 
>> Apparently, Rinoa still had some more surprises for the befuddled Garden commander as she sat down quickly in the seat in front of him, stopping to adjust her usual periwinkle-blue dress with a graceful movement. 
>> 
>> "About time!" She exclaimed, an impish grin causing her eyes to catch the light and glitter attractively. 
>> 
>> About that moment, Squall resigned himself to the fact that he had no earthly idea what was going on. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Selphie said that you were spitting nails this morning, and I think poor Zell has gone into hiding…so it looks like I've been nominated as the virgin sacrifice to appease the savage dragon." Rinoa said, as if in explanation, good-natured laughter evident in her tone. "Still, I think they could have found someone a bit more convincing to play the part." 
>> 
>> Squall blinked, half wishing the rapid movement would do something to jumpstart his memory. 
>> 
>> Rinoa never acted like this. She cajoled, she pouted…she kicked if need be, but she just didn't have the sort of personality that led to this sort of radiance of self-confidence. Or such quiet good humor. Rinoa was bubbly, like overly sweet champagne, not teasing with any sort of subtlety. A perpetual schoolgirl. There was a change in her very posture, for crying out loud! 
>> 
>> _What planet are you from, and where have you taken my girlfriend?_ Squall thought sarcastically. Sure, it was obviously Rinoa in front of him…but after four years with her, he would have sworn he had nearly memorized her little mannerisms. Then again, he had never bothered to see what her reaction might be if he slept with another guy. 
>> 
>> "So, what has gotten you into such a bad mood? Are you and Zell still fighting?" 
>> 
>> "No…" _No, Zell and I aren't fighting…as far as I know. Which probably means we're bitter enemies, considering my track record today. _Squall felt like laughing hysterically, at least then he'd have an outward sign of his impending insanity. 
>> 
>> "Good." Rinoa nodded decisively. "I know it's really none of my business, and you must have had your reasons…but it didn't really seem fair to Zell."__
>> 
>> _Well, great. My girlfriend seems to be taking the news that I slept with Zell better than I am! What's next, asking for photos or videos?_
>> 
>> "So, this is okay with you?" Squall asked incredulously. Rinoa nodded her head firmly, and then pushed back the chestnut-brown tendrils of her hair from her face. 
>> 
>> "Zell's a big boy, Squall. He can handle the responsibility. You should know that by now." She sounded like she was almost chastising him, her melodious voice hypnotizing in its gentle firmness.__
>> 
>> _Is she breaking up with me? What's going on here?! _ If she was breaking up with him, this had to be the most bizarre way of doing it he'd ever heard of…then again, Rinoa was the first person he had ever dated, so it wasn't as if he had a whole lot of experience under his belt when it came to stuff like this. 
>> 
>> _Maybe…she doesn't know. _ The thought was an odd one, after all, if she didn't know, then what exactly had been the topic of this weird exchange? It was worth a try, though. 
>> 
>> …And it looked as though she was getting up to leave, throwing him one last grin before walking swiftly towards the office door. 
>> 
>> "Rinoa…I…um, I slept with Zell last night." His voice was low, as if he didn't want her to hear. Apparently, she did, because it stopped her cold. Rinoa turned around, amazement scrawled over her pretty face. Squall waited silently for the outpouring of acusations he knew would soon be flooding his way. 
>> 
>> "It took you four years?!" She asked. Squall almost tipped out of chair in surprise. "You're a pretty late bloomer…" 
>> 
>> Squall opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he finally snapped it shut. He tried again with the same result, something inside him dimly aware he must look like a humanoid goldfish gasping at air. Not exactly the type of image he was trying to groom as head commander of the Garden. Rinoa tossed him a flirtatious, yet friendly wink as she finally opened the door to walk out. 
>> 
>> Squall cradled his head in his hands, only dimly noticing Rinoa's muffled words from the other side of the door as he groped for some pain relievers. Too bad he didn't have a stash of alcohol…Squall wasn't a drinking man, but he had a feeling he could learn. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "You can go in now, Zell. I softened him up for you." Rinoa laughed lightly. There was a light rustling sound coming from the corner of the lavish, wood paneled office, near a plant looking as if it was in desperate need of some attention. "Yes, I can see you crouched behind the potted plant." 
>> 
>> Zell stood up, a grin stretched from ear to ear. "Damn, and here I thought my hiding place was perfect." 
>> 
>> "You goofball." Rinoa went over to punch him lightly in the shoulder. "What do you think you're doing? You should be at your desk. Maybe if you actually did some work around here, Squall would have less paperwork on his desk." 
>> 
>> Zell quickly put on a mock expression of hurt, sky-shorn eyes twinkling whimsically. Pushing his bangs out of his face – he really needed to get a haircut, or maybe put them back up in that silly style he had worn them as a teenager – he pouted. Oh, he knew how to play this game. "I'll have you know that Squall and I do work 'around here'! A lot of work, in fact!" 
>> 
>> Rinoa snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet he 'works your ass' really hard." Zell's only reply was a wink and a rakish grin. 
>> 
>> "You know Squall. I have to pull him away from his paperwork somehow…even if I have to drag him kicking and screaming all the way." 
>> 
>> "Hmmm…" Rinoa's smiled turned pensive. "I wonder if there is something the matter with him. He said that last night was the first time you two had slept together." 
>> 
>> Zell's delicate eyebrows arched to reach his hairline. "Are you kiddin'? He was just joking around with you, right? Hell, we didn't even have sex last night…I was too busy giving him the cold shoulder." 
>> 
>> "I don't know…" Rinoa trailed off, and smiled hesitantly before waving goodbye. 
>> 
>> "Hey, Rinoa. Why don't you talk to Seifer about the four of us going out some time this week; it seems as if I haven't seen you in forever!" Zell exclaimed, right before she opened the outer door to the office. Rinoa turned around, affection evident in her gaze. 
>> 
>> "Sure, I'll mention it to him when I see him." 
>> 
>> "And tell him to quit calling me chicken wuss! It's been _four_ damn years!" Zell added on as an afterthought. 
>> 
>> "No promises there." She teased. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Hey, baby." 
>> 
>> Squall jumped, uncharacteristically nervous at the sound of Zell's voice. He knew he'd have to face him someday, but he'd been inwardly hoping it'd be someday far into the future. Squall noticed distantly that Zell was moving behind his chair. 
>> 
>> "What are you doing?" 
>> 
>> Zell held up his hands in mock surrender. "I was just going to give you a backrub…you look awfully tense." 
>> 
>> Squall decided not to dignify that with any sort of response. 
>> 
>> "Sit down, Zell. We need to talk." He motioned to the same chair Rinoa had vacated a few moments ago. Zell sat down, a living bundle of nervous energy. His fidgeting would have been almost endearing if it weren't for Squalls feeling of impatience. If there was one thing Squall hated, it was feeling as if the situation was out of his control. 
>> 
>> Zell drummed his fingers on the desk, and Squall found himself watching the rhythmic motion. There was something…not quite right. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it was there. He had a feeling if he could grasp whatever was tickling the back of his mind, and wrench it into the light, a lot of things would begin to make more sense. 
>> 
>> "Yeah, that's right! Just tell me where to—" 
>> 
>> But Squall wasn't listening. Like a bolt of lightning striking, he lashed out and grabbed Zell's hand, papers scattering as he almost dragged Zell onto the table. He brought the hand close to his face, inspecting it closely. 
>> 
>> Scars. 
>> 
>> There were lots of small, toothpick-thin scars running across the palm of his hand. They were white, as if they had been healed for several years. 
>> 
>> Zell didn't have any scars on his hands.   
  

>> 
>> "Who the hell are you?" Squall whispered hoarsely.   
  
  
  

>> 
>> _tsuzuku (to be continued)_


	3. Part Three

dejavu03

> I hope everyone enjoyed the comedy while it lasted. It's pretty serious from here on out. Thank you, Nayu-san and Yuna-san, for the emails and such…I never realized how many people were actually reading this…I suppose I'll have to work extra hard on it now. ^_^;;   

> 
> **Deja Vu – Part Three******
> 
> _Aa eien nan de hitsuyo na ikedo_   
_Homoi da ni kimi wo tokikoneta ku nai_   
_Maboroshi nan de ai se nai_   
_Kimi wo dakishimetai no sa___
> 
> --Hideaki Matsuoka, Deja Vu 
>
>>   
"Who the _hell_ are you?!" Squall repeated as Zell—no, the stranger gave him an odd look. 
>> 
>> Zell's hands had always been oddly fascinating to the head commander. They were Zell's weapons, as deadly as a gunblade could ever be…and yet, they didn't look like the kind of hands that could snap a neck like a dry twig, the kind of hands that could bring a grown man to his knees with a few strategically placed punches. They had no scars along the knuckles, as many fighters are wont to sport. 
>> 
>> They looked gentle. Soft almost. 
>> 
>> Then again, Zell himself was a contrast. Once a crybaby, now a killing machine. Almost innocent-looking…until you saw the tattoo that laid claim to a whole side of his face, black tendrils spreading in an utterly captivating way that paradoxically didn't detract at all from your first impression. 
>> 
>> Zell did _not_ have these rash, angry-looking scars across his palms. 
>> 
>> "Squall, are you—" 
>> 
>> Squall actually growled, a low sound deep in his throat before he swiftly leapt over the table and captured the stranger with Zell's face in a headlock. 
>> 
>> He may not have been the fighter Zell was, but from this position, it didn't take any great skill to snap a person's neck. A quick jerk was all it took. And if this man didn't begin to give some answers…well, Squall himself had killed enough people. You grew numb after a while, telling yourself it was what you had to do. What was another one on your conscience? 
>> 
>> He allowed the other man enough air so that he could answer his questions, but not nearly enough so that he could escape. 
>> 
>> Squall Leonhart didn't make mistakes, couldn't afford to. 
>> 
>> "It's…me…" The stranger was actually trembling in his grip, hands limply at his sides. He wasn't even trying to fight back. "Ze—" 
>> 
>> "Wrong. Try again." Squall murmured, icy cold, as he tightened his grip to the point that it was cutting off the other man's airflow. "I saw your hands. Pretend that you're Zell one more time and I will fucking break your neck right where we stand." 
>> 
>> "Let him go, Squall. _ Right now_!" Squall allowed himself to glance up, only to meet a gaze as icy and determined as his own. 
>> 
>> Rinoa? 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Rinoa brandished her Blaster Edge—her weapon of choice when she was teaching classes—at Squall. It was a good thing she had felt worried and had decided to come back and ask Squall if he needed to go to the infirmary. Zell's eyes were nearly all pupil as he regarded Rinoa fearfully, breathing so heavily he was almost hyperventilating. 
>> 
>> At first, she had been hesitant about knocking on the door, sure that she would be interrupting something rather private. 
>> 
>> Either way, if this was foreplay, then it was the most twisted thing she had ever seen. 
>> 
>> Squall looked as if he was actually going to kill the tattooed martial artist, brow furrowed darkly and a deadly snarl on his face. Rinoa had only seen her friend like this a few times, and all of them had ended with a dead body to dispose of. 
>> 
>> Zell, on the other hand, looked as if he was already dead. There was a glassy dullness to his eyes that had her worried more than anything in this scene. She had seen Zell in action, knew he could throw off a grip like this as if it was nothing, and yet he stood there in Squall grasp limply…like a broken doll. 
>> 
>> _Oh Hyne…Squall, what the **hell** are you doing?!_
>> 
>> "I said,** _let him go_**_!_" Her voice was raising, and she struggled to keep her ever-volatile emotions in check. _Stay calm, stay focused…you've been trained for this sort of situation._ Yes, but none of the scenarios played out by her teachers had ever included going up against Squall Leonhart. 
>> 
>> Zell's gaze was flickering, finally coming to life. Rinoa could only watch as his mouth moved slowly, as if savoring each syllable. 
>> 
>> _Sleepel…_
>> 
>> She saw it rather than heard it, heart pounding rapidly as she accessed the risk Zell was taking. If Squall figured out that a status change was being cast on him, then the last thing he would probably do before drifting off was snap Zell's neck anyway. 
>> 
>> Game over. 
>> 
>> Squall didn't notice until it was too late, and Rinoa finally realized that she must have distracted him enough so that he wasn't paying proper attention to Zell's actions. To his credit as a well-trained SeeD, he did try to grasp at Zell's neck one last time, hands slithering down in a motion that would have looked almost affectionate had the attempt been without its deadly intent, before he slumped to the ground, sleep overtaking him at last. Rinoa lowered her weapon and drew in a deep shuddering breath, feeling her body tremble in the afterglow of an adrenaline rush. 
>> 
>> "Zell." She managed to stumble over to the blonde man. Zell's tattoo stood out even more on his suddenly pale face, like a swash of black ink against paper. "Are you okay?" 
>> 
>> Zell looked up at her blankly, as if she was speaking a completely different language. 
>> 
>> "Squall just fucking tried to_ kill _me…" He whispered dully. "Do _you_ think I'm okay?" 
>> 
>> "Zell…_Zell_." She pleaded, grasping his shoulders and rocking him gently. He was in shock, and Rinao didn't want to have to slap him to bring him out of it, but if it came to that… "There's something wrong…Squall's _sick_. He—he must have mistaken you for someone else…" 
>> 
>> Zell flashed a hollow grin, a force of habit. "Yeah. If you say so..." 
>> 
>> "Come on, help me carry him to the infirmary." Rinoa motioned to the comatose commander. "We'll get to the bottom of this, I promise." 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Doctor Kadowaki came over to lay a gentle hand on Rinoa's shoulder as she sat next to Squall's cot. "You've been here for three hours; you should probably go to sleep." 
>> 
>> As soon as her classes were over, Rinoa had rushed over to the infirmary, not even bothering to change out of the standard SeeD uniform she wore on days when her usual attire wouldn't cut it. She had been in the training room all day, mind elsewhere, and had almost suffered an accident herself when she had let her gaze drift from one of her newer students. As it was, the spell had just missed her, jolting her back into awareness. Had it landed properly, she would be suffering from third degree burns right now… 
>> 
>> Zell hadn't stopped by all day; it was the first thing she had asked Dr. Kadowaki, when she rushed in, hair flying in an attractive halo around her fine features as she ran into the front area, not caring who might see. Distantly, she wondered if Seifer would be angry to know that she was here. It was hard to say; oddly enough, she had discovered Seifer wasn't really the type to get jealous, but it was one thing to check in on a friend, and another to spend the whole evening by his bedside, wasn't it? 
>> 
>> Oh well, she would try calling his room again when she got back to her own. 
>> 
>> "All right…" She finally mumbled, sleep heavy in her sweet voice as she smiled at the kindly doctor. "Please call me if there's any change, or if you find out what's wrong." 
>> 
>> That was the thing that scared her the most. She had assumed that perhaps he had taken a spell from a mission that was just manifesting later, although, wouldn't she have been able to sense it? The scans hadn't revealed anything of the sort; Squall was in perfect health. 
>> 
>> If you could call trying to kill one of the people closest to him "in perfect health" to begin with… 
>> 
>> _Zell…_
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> This wasn't the way to her room; in fact, it was on the other side of the building. But she felt concern building inside her to an explosive intensity as she stepped out of the elevator at the office level. Polished wood and plush carpet around her, and yet, the atmosphere seemed empty tonight. Hollow. 
>> 
>> She had to find Zell, make him understand somehow… 
>> 
>> How was she going to make him understand anything, if she didn't even know herself? Damn practicality. It didn't matter; she had to try to mend this chasm before it became too big to be bridged. 
>> 
>> Again… 
>> 
>> Yes, she could hear the steady clatter of keys from here, as if someone was pounding on them with their fists. At any other time, it would have made her smile whimsically, half-amazed at how quickly the blond martial artist could type. That was probably the main reason Squall had chosen him to be his temporary secretary; a "provisional" job that had lasted more than four years. 
>> 
>> Was it any wonder that Zell had gotten tired of it? He wanted to be out there, teaching as her and Quistis did. The students loved him, probably because he had a way of relaxing them when Squall called them into the office, with that grin that put even the most nervous of students at ease. It didn't help that he had a sort of affinity for your average troublemaker; Squall tended to be rather verbal—surprising in and of itself— on how many of his disciplinary tactics were undermined with Zell's grins and winks to the student in question. 
>> 
>> Their current hand-to-hand instructor couldn't hold a candle to him, and Squall knew it. Why then had he insisted so long in keeping Zell with him in the office? Refusing to even hear of Zell teaching the course, passing him over for missions that fit his description like a glove…he hadn't been on a mission in over half a year. She couldn't even begin to imagine the strain that might put on their relationship. 
>> 
>> Rinoa had a feeling it was one of the few moments she had ever seen Squall Leonhart be truly selfish about something so near to him. Grasping and holding on with all his might, and not even realizing what he was doing at the time… 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> She stopped in the doorway, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dark office. The only light was a dim, almost eerie, glow from a computer screen deeper within the room. The clacking of the keyboard was overwhelming now, filling the office with a dry angry sound. 
>> 
>> The broad-shouldered young man made no sign that he was aware of her presence, even though she knew the likelihood her sneaking up on him was practically nil. When one was a SeeD, your instincts were honed to a razor-sharpness that seemed almost otherworldly to outsiders. Par for the course, she supposed. 
>> 
>> "Zell…it's late. You should get some sleep." She finally whispered, not even sure if the man heard her. 
>> 
>> "I'm not tired." The words were curt, perfunctory. "There's a hell of a lot of paperwork to finish up here, and I might as well be productive when I can." 
>> 
>> "Zell, he didn't mean it. I don't know why, or what happened, but he would never try to hurt you." Rinoa felt like an idiot as she stated what should be obvious, but wasn't. _"He would never try to hurt you?" Then what was going on today?! I'm full of shit… _ It was the only thing she could think of to say, the only way she could try to dam the hurt radiating from the petit blond in waves. 
>> 
>> "Yeah, well, it wouldn't be the first time." 
>> 
>> Rinoa resisted the overpowering urge to shake him; that wouldn't help the situation one whit. "He didn't know, Zell. You can't tell me that four years hasn't changed him at all in that respect; Squall doesn't repeat the same mistakes over and over again…" 
>> 
>> Zell stopped typing abruptly, turning to face the darkly beautiful woman. "Really? Then what the hell happened today?! Why was the sight of you enough to distract our commander in chief to the point where I could cast a status change on him?! I should be fucking **_dead _**right now, Rinoa!" 
>> 
>> "I don't know…" She admitted. "But I—" 
>> 
>> "I know," He cut her off with a discomfited expression. "It's not that, you're not like that…and I'm sorry for ever thinking you were." 
>> 
>> "It's not your fault." Rinoa dredged up the last of her wry grins and bestowed it upon the confused martial artist. "What's past is past, and I think I would react the same way, if something like that happened to me…" Thank Hyne the past _was_ past; those days of tension between her and Zell were not something she ever wanted to visit again, could she help it. His friendship had come to mean too much to her. 
>> 
>> "Go to bed, Rinoa. Seifer was around here looking for you earlier, and even I could tell he was worried. He didn't even mock me once the whole time he was in here, and I'll tell you, seeing Seifer trying to make small talk was one of the damn scariest things I've ever witnessed. Don't let it happen again, _please_." Zell's grin was lopsided, broken. But it was a smile, nonetheless. 
>> 
>> "All right…" She finally said, subdued as she watched the other man turn back to his work. She wanted to ask him to go and see Squall, but inwardly knew it was the last sort of pressure he needed at the moment. "Take care of yourself." 
>> 
>> "He didn't remember…" The words were harshly whispered, and Rinoa got the feeling that this was something she wasn't supposed to hear. What else could she do but hasten her pace to the front door? Still, the darkly hurt and angry words trailed her out into the hall, as did a sudden, heart wrenchingly loud sound. 
>> 
>> Rinoa didn't have to be incredibly perceptive to tell it was the crash of a fist being driven through a computer screen…again and again. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Seifer?" There was silence on the other end of the phone, before a petulantly groggy voice responded. 
>> 
>> "Rinoa? What the hell? It's two in the morning…wait, don't tell me Leonhart is sending you out on a mission?! Dammit…" 
>> 
>> She had to smile warmly at his tone, though she knew it wouldn't improve his mood in the slightest if he had been there to see it in person. Seifer hated the thought of being patronized, and even after all these years, seemed to have trouble distinguishing it from affection. 
>> 
>> "No, he's not sending me out." And then, she almost did chuckle at the obvious sigh of relief on the other end, before sternly collecting herself. "Squall can't send me anywhere, he's in the infirmary, under sedation." 
>> 
>> "What happened to our Mr. Sunshine?" Seifer said in his familiar dryly-mocking tone. "Are they finally going to surgically remove that stick from his ass? You should tell them it's a lost cause." 
>> 
>> "Seifer, don't." She warned. 
>> 
>> "All right, I'm sorry." Seifer had a way of apologizing that made it sound as if he didn't mean it in the slightest, probably because he most likely didn't. " So you just decided to call me up for nothing?" 
>> 
>> "No. I'm leaving for Esthar tomorrow; I'm getting Selphie to fly me over on the Ragnarok." She finally said. "I'll see you as soon as I get back. It shouldn't take long." 
>> 
>> "Mind telling me why you're heading up to President Ditz's stomping ground?" 
>> 
>> "There's something I need to do…for a friend." No, it was the only thing she **could **do for a friend. The only thing she could think of... "I'll talk to you later."   
  
  

> 
> _tsuzuku (to be continued)_

> Ending notes: My goodness, Rinoa is shaping up to be an even more major player than I had previously thought. A few of you will probably still be utterly confused, but I know a couple of you have figured it out by now. Hopefully this chapter still kept you slightly off-balance; I wouldn't want to spoil ALL the fun. Don't worry, the next chapter should be rather enlightening...


	4. Part Four

  
You'd probably never believe me, but this fic was spawned from my disliking of Rinoa. I actually find myself enjoying writing her in this fic, for reasons that will hopefully become more obvious as the series progresses. Oddly enough, she's at the center of all this trouble, though it's not her fault in the slightest...can anyone guess why? There's a rather large hint as to what's going on, right in this chapter...   


  


**Deja Vu -- Part Four**

_Aa eien nan de hitsuyo na ikedo_   
_Homoi da ni kimi wo tokikoneta ku nai_   
_Maboroshi nan de ai se nai_   
_Kimi wo dakishimetai no sa_

-- Hideaki Matsuoka, Deja Vu 

  
  
  
  
  


Rinoa Caraway was frightened. 

It was hard to tell if it was the sensation itself that caused her nervousness, or the fact that she was going to have to come face to face with that part of herself that she didn't like to consider, but either way she could feel her knees shake and tremble as the lift moved higher and higher up the building, giving her an eagle's eye view of the futuristic city below. 

Selphie was spending the afternoon with "Sir Laguna", instinctively understanding that Rinoa felt she had to do this on her own. Rinoa hadn't told her what had happened between Squall and Zell, though Selphie was well aware of Squall's sudden internment in the infirmary. The usually bubbly brunette had hid her curiosity well, leaving Rinoa inwardly thankful that she wasn't buried in questions she wouldn't feel comfortable answering. 

With every passing second her heart seemed to pound more rapidly, until she was sure that it would just give out. Slowly going through the exercises she had learned as a child only marginally helped to dam the flood of adrenaline. 

Rinoa didn't like feeling this way, she hated to think of losing control of her emotions. Hadn't she graduated at the top of her class in Galbadia? She was a master of weaponry, and had proven her worth in missions many times over! 

So why was it that the thought of asking this women for help was so difficult for her to reconcile? 

She honestly had nothing against the young woman as a person. Squall had always spoken kindly of her, and Rinoa had found her quite charming from the very first moment they met. She had been in awe of all the hardships the older girl had gone through. 

And yet...it had scared her... 

She was frightened to see someone so at home with their unusual powers. It brought back all the nights after the whole ordeal in space--when Rinoa would cry into her pillow and attempt to control her shaking with heaps of blankets, as if she had been shivering from nothing more than cold. 

It brought back the smiles she had pasted upon her face, a thin veneer that had threatened to shatter into tears and incoherent exclamations of fear at any given moment. 

The smile the other girl directed at her--a sort of consprital grin, though it wasn't meant vindictively in the slightest--it just reminded her of her alieness...this power like a horrible serpent coiled tightly in her belly. 

When Rinoa was around her, she couldn't pretend that she wasn't a sorceress. 

*** 

Ellone beckoned the other woman to come in to the small apartment. Room was very scarce in Esthar, and therefore a lot of people squeezed into houses and other living quarters that Rinoa couldn't help but think of as oversized closets. 

At the same time, Ellone had worked marvels with the tiny space allotted. Plants unfurled languidly as far as the eye could see, a pleasing carpet of greenery. The color of the walls, when one could see them through the plants, was mellow, an eggshell blue color that seemed to invite someone to relax, throw their cares out the window. 

Ellone herself was wearing a white dress that was beautiful in its cotton simplicity. She looked like she would be more at home in a field of flowers than the hustle and bustle of the streets down below. 

"Would you care to sit down?" She asked, pointing out a comfortably overstuffed couch off to the side of the room. "I'll get you some tea." 

Rinoa took a deep breath, calming down now that she had actually managed to ring the doorbell and step inside. "Would it be possible to use your phone?" She asked Ellone's retreating figure. Then, suddenly embarrassed at what might be rudeness to her hostess, called out. "It's long distance...but I can pay you the normal rate. I just got here a few hours ago, and I completely forgot that I needed to make a call, otherwise I would have used a public channel--do they have public channels in Esthar?--because I really--" 

Ellone cut her off with a chuckle. "Here's the phone, Rinoa. Don't worry about the money." 

"Thank you." Rinoa said gratefully. 

Ellone made herself busy in the kitchen as snatches of conversation followed her every movement. She was hard pressed to keep from grinning over some of the more interesting bursts. 

"What do you mean you need me to get home?! Is something wrong?" There was a short pause. 

"We're out of laundry?! That's ALL?! You mean YOU'RE out of laundry. Hey, you're a liberated man, you know where the washing machine and detergent is..." A rustling sound from the couch as Rinoa moved to a more comfortable position. 

"No, 'you fold clothes better than I do' is not going to get me to come home any faster!" 

It was hard to miss the smile in Rinoa's voice as she teased the man on the other line, as warm as an afternoon patch of sunlight streaming through a window. Ellone finished pouring the tea just as the conversation ended, coming in with a tray and settling in a chair opposite the other woman. Ellone regarded her with a friendly expression, trying to put Rinoa at ease. 

"You said you needed my assistance? Something concerning Squall?" She prompted, sounding concerned for the first time. Squall had been so important to her...all the orphanage children had been. 

Rinoa took a deep breath, and to her surprise, the whole story came tripping off her tongue easily. Ellone listened with growing seriousness, smile on her lips slipping down to a worried frown as the moments passed and Rinoa continued. Finally, after Rinoa finished, she spoke. 

"You want me to take Squall back to that time period? Do you think that will help?" 

"I don't know what really happened myself." Rinoa admitted. "But from what I gathered when I came back, and what Zell said, it seems to be one of the cruxes of this matter. Also...I think that perhaps you should let him see it from Zell's eyes." 

"From Zell's perspective?" Ellone echoed. 

"Think of it as a matter of killing two birds with one stone." Rinoa said softly. "Perhaps Squall needs some insight as well as a history lesson...I know you can't change the past, but maybe this will help with the future." 

Ellone nodded, giving Rinoa her silent promise. 

*** 

Squall Leonhart was dreaming.   
Squall Leonhart wasn't dreaming...he was _experiencing_. 

He recognized the feeling as it crept softly over his entire body, though it had been a number of years since this sort of thing had last held him in its grip. There was no use fighting it, but he wondered why Ellone would be doing this to him now. Was there something he was missing? 

He struggled as a matter of course, sweat breaking out on his face as he writhed on the infirmary cot. Squall gripped the sheets in tense hands, trying to keep himself from slipping away. There was something wrong here...going into a coma would leave himself open. 

He had to escape and figure out what had happened to... 

A figure watched his attempt from the doorway, shadows darkening his sunlight-spun hair and sea splashed eyes. He gazed upon the other man from a distance, as if the doorway was a barrier he couldn't cross, but couldn't leave. 

*** 

_"Squall. Get some sleep! You're making me tired just watching you! And if Irvine, Selphie and Quistis are gonna be as late as I think they are, then you and me have got to be as rested up as we can." Zell called from his reclining position on the couch, eyes following Squall as he paced back and forth in front of the window.___

_The view from their hotel room was amazing, as well it should have been considering the Esthar hotel's rates. Signs winked back and forth, lights from other building dancing merrily, without any care of how late it might be.___

_"What about you?" When Squall spoke, it was a low monotone that was worrisome even as far as "his royal antisocial ness" was concerned.___

_"I'm not going to sleep until you are, baby!" Came the cheerful reply. A look of irritation might have swept across Squall's features for a second, but it was hard to tell. The only sign one could readily ascertain simply from inspecting Squall's face was "living", and even that was occasionally thrown into doubt.___

_"Don't you need to eat?" Squall tried again.___

_"I already ordered something for the two of us from room service. I don't feel like trying to get out and find a restaurant around here...unlike the other three nut cases. So you're not getting rid of me that easily!"___

_Squall allowed silence to blanket the room once again, stopping his movements to inspect the city lights, as if they held the answers he was so desperately seeking.___

_"It's not your fault, you know."___

_Squall jumped at the oddly comforting whisper tickling his ear--at least Zell afforded him some semblance of dignity by ignoring his surprised reaction. He hadn't even heard Zell get up, much less move right behind him. It seemed the butterhead could be quiet when he wanted to...then again, Zell was a martial artist. He sighed before moving to the couch, Zell trailing him silently.___

_"She shouldn't have been there." Squall finally said, not meeting Zell's steady gaze. "Her mission was over; she should have been dismissed from the beginning."___

_"Rinoa chose to stay, she knew the risks." Zell maintained stubbornly. "Sometimes I wonder if the only reason you're reacting this way is because of...I don't know...who she is. Would you even care if it had happened to one of us?" There was a strong undercurrent of uncharacteristic bitterness in the blond's words, causing Squall to finally raise his face inspect to Zell's.___

_"...I would." Squall stated. How could he explain it? It was selfishness, pure and simple. Not so much the fact that Rinoa was comatose after their last battle with Edea--now their ally--but rather everything was out of his control now. He wasn't able to do anything to save her...and if his hands were tied in that, how soon would it be before another of their party fell? Quistis. Irvine. Selphie.___

_Zell...___

_He couldn't imagine the perpetually moving blond so deathly still, cold to the touch. The mere thought evoked emotions he would rather not categorize, too multi-layered and deep to fully explain.___

_There was a gentle weight on his shoulder, ready to flee at the slightest hint of irritation. Zell had come around the other side of the couch and rested his hand on the commander's shoulder. There was a sense of strangely endearing awkwardness to the gesture, Squall wasn't the type of person you could just touch on a whim.___

_Quicker than it took for Zell to blink, Squall had grabbed his wrist in an almost rough grip, pulling Zell uncomfortably close to the back of the couch as he inspected the offending limb at his leisure.___

_"You have nice hands."___

_The simple comment struck Zell as hilarious, though he couldn't say quite why. It might have been the sudden thought that this was about as close to romantic praise one could wrest from Squall Leonhart. His laughter filled the room, causing Squall to turn and look at him. The corners of his lips curled in a slight smile as he easily flipped the smaller man over the couch.___

_To hell with it all.___

_"Shut up, Zell."_   
__   
__ __

_One of the beds went unused that night._   
__   
__   


_tsuzuku (to be continued)_

  
  
  
  



End file.
